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Battle Plans For The Heart

by State Police

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"The F Word" by The Loner(s) is playing as I am clutching a family photo and I want to scream and I am crying and my nose is running and I am slamming my fists on the table and I don't know if I can make it and I want to give up and it sounds so good to go back to the way things used to be with them and with comfort and peace and silence and not here.

There is a low quality photo of me and my mom printed black and white on ordinary copy paper and on it she has written in pen how much she misses me. She and I are smiling in the photo. I cry. I go into a room and want to be alone but cannot. I am surrounded by these people. I cannot leave. I see the sunset from outside. It looks so beautiful. It is difficult not to stare. I have several family photos sticking in the frame of a canvas print of a stranger and I cover his face with them.

I'm sure you have things about yourself I do not know. Some things deep and personal and intimate. Crying. Loss. Pain. Something that you may feel is best kept bottled up or to yourself. I typically dislike being this openly vulnerable to people. It is unnecessary things they get to hear about me. What do they care? They don't truly know who I am. But you know me. I can tell you anything. I can share my life with you. My pain. My joy and happiness and suffering and boredom and anger because I love you.

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released June 25, 2022
This song is dedicated to CRJ and MLL.

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State Police Connecticut

Exploring the abstract subconscious

Psychedelic, experimental, and electroacoustic synthesizer work inspired by 50s and 60s avant garde musicians. Dreams, drugs, memories, all reflections of the antipodes of the mind. The waking everyday mind policing alternate, raw, abstract states of consciousness. This is the State Police. ... more

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