thanks to you i have found someone i can share my life and pain and sadness and joy and love with even despite these barriers and walls between us. for once i am a little less lonely. though it hurts me so to be far away from you, separated and apart, i know im truly not alone because we have started something beautiful. a future together. this is not the end. we will meet again. it wont be very long until that time comes. i am impatient, yes, but we are still young anyway and we have our whole lives to make this even more real. its only gonna be a matter of time. in any case you have reached far and deep into my heart and i will remember and cherish this moment for my life.

i'm a little homesick. i have sacrificed many things to be where i am right now. nothing can express how much i miss home cooked meals, the dogs barking, watching tv with mom, "do you wanna go to the store," going to the park, paintings, a fridge too full of things, sitting in the backyard reading, knickknacks, magazines and letters on the table, houseplants, dishes clinking, running sink, recliner, blankets for the dogs on the sofa, folding tables, set the tables, nagging, borrow the car, heavy photo albums, decorations, dogs waiting at the door. i didnt hate the mornings then. i do now sometimes. it will be silent when i wake up. silent and dark and i am reminded of how alone i am. they are not with me. you are not with me. but life goes on. this will not be forever. what i have lost now is something i can get back, or find something new in place of it. what i am dealing with now my future self will be grateful for. and not too long from now, maybe my dream will come true.

i can picture it now. we are in the mountains in california or somewhere where it's always warm and we are in the backyard in the garden and we are in the sun and we are smoking weed and we are happy and we are holding hands and we hug and we smile and we love each other so much and we cry and we look at the sunset and we go downtown and we have fun and we party and we eat a nice dinner together and we go home and we look at the stars at night and we fall asleep together and we each go to work and when we get back we are excited to see each other and we laugh and we do some creative things and we take photos and we have photos of us on the nightstand and we are never alone again because we have each other and nothing can stop us.

there will be tears, sweat, pain, laughter, anger, love, and life coming for us. though this is the end of this brief moment in time, it is the beginning of a lifetime of memories. i love you.